MLB Opening Day is today, in order to keep the World Series in October.
What's On: Thursday, March 31, 2011
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| MLB | Tigers at Yankees | Thursday | 1pm/10am | ESPN | |
| MLB | Padres at Cardinals | Thursday | 4pm/1pm | ESPN | |
| Out of the Wild | Hope Floats | Thursday | 7pm | Discovery | |
| 6.8 | American Idol | Thursday | 8-10pm | FOX | |
| 3.7 | The Big Bang Theory | The Zarnecki Incursion | Thursday | 8pm | CBS |
| National Geographic Special | The Human Family Tree | Thursday | 8pm | Nat Geo | |
| 0.8 | MLB | Giants at Dodgers | Thursday | 8pm/5pm | ESPN |
| 1.9 | Wipeout | John Henson, Zombie Hunter | Thursday | 8pm | ABC |
| 1.3 | NBA | Celtics at Spurs | Thursday | 8pm/5pm | TNT |
| WWE Superstars | Thursday | 8pm | WGN | ||
| 0.9 | Community | rerun | Thursday | 8pm | NBC |
| 0.4 | Vampire Diaries | rerun | Thursday | 8pm | CW |
| 2.4 | Rules of Engagement | The Set Up | Thursday | 8:30 | CBS |
| 1.0 | Perfect Couples | Exes | Thursday | 8:30 | NBC |
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| 4.9 | Grey's Anatomy | Song Beneath the Song | Thursday | 9pm | ABC |
| 2.9 | CSI | Hitting for the Cycle | Thursday | 9pm | CBS |
| 3.8 | Mobbed | special | Thursday | 9pm | FOX |
| 0.7 | The First 48 | Bad Company | Thursday | 9pm | A&E |
| 0.5 | TNA Impact | Thursday | 9-11pm | Spike | |
| The Steve Harvey Project | Thursday | 9pm | Centric | ||
| 1.5 | The Office | rerun | Thursday | 9pm | NBC |
| 0.4 | Nikita | rerun | Thursday | 9pm | CW |
| 1.1 | Parks and Recreation | rerun | Thursday | 9:30 | NBC |
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| 0.7 | Archer | El Secuestro | Thursday | 10pm | FX |
| 2.7 | Private Practice | The Hardest Part | Thursday | 10pm | ABC |
| 2.8 | The Mentalist | The Red Mile | Thursday | 10pm | CBS |
| Fairly Legal | My Best Friend's Prenup | Thursday | 10pm | USA | |
| 2.4 | Jersey Shore | Reunion | Thursday | 10pm | MTV |
| Taxidermy USA | special | Thursday | 10pm | Discovery | |
| Bear Woman | #103 | Thursday | 10pm | Animal | |
| 0.5 | Manhunters | Thursday | 10-11pm | A&E | |
| 1.0 | 30 Rock | rerun | Thursday | 10pm | NBC |
| 1.0 | Outsourced | Thursday | 10:30 | NBC | |
| 1.0 | NBA | Mavericks at Lakers | Thursday | 10:30/7:30 | TNT |
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| Conan O'Brien | Johnny Knoxville / Kaley Cuoco from “The Big Bang Theory” / Thompson Square Country Rock Duo | Thursday | 11pm | TBS | |
| Jon Stewart | Norm Macdonald, "Sports Show with Norm Macdonald" | Thursday | 11pm | Comedy | |
| Chelsea Handler | From Scream 4 Shenae Grimes is on the show tonight. Comedian Dov Davidoff, comedian Dan Levy and TV personality Ross Mathews | Thursday | 11pm | E! | |
| Charlie Rose | Thursday | 11pm | PBS | ||
| Mo'Nique | Donald Faison; Lloyd Banks. | Thursday | 11pm | BET | |
| Stephen Colbert | Piers Gibbon, host, "Eating With Cannibals" | Thursday | 11:30 | Comedy | |
| Nightline | Radiation, Home Shopping Network, Prince Harry, March 31, 2011 | Thursday | 11:35 | ABC | |
| David Letterman | Chris Rock (Play, "The Motherfucker with the Hat") / Ellen Page (Super) / Funeral Party (CD, "The Golden Age of Knowhere") | Thursday | 11:35 | CBS | |
| Jay Leno | Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, Fareed Zakaria, Mary Mary | Thursday | 11:35 | NBC | |
| Eagleheart | The Human Bat | Thursday | midnight | Cartoon | |
| John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show | Comedians Deon Cole, Moshe Kasher, Marina Franklin and Maria Bamford perform. | Thursday | midnight | Comedy | |
| Jimmy Kimmel | David Beckham (LA Galaxy), Wes Craven (Scream 4), Musical guest Sum 41 | Thursday | midnight | ABC | |
| Tavis Smiley | Bethany Hamilton; AnnaSophia Robb | Thursday | midnight | PBS | |
| George Lopez | Snoop Dogg \ Brittany Snow | Thursday | midnight | TBS | |
| Wendy Williams | Wendy dishes about the latest Hot Topics. Then, TANK performs “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” | Thursday | midnight | BET | |
| Jimmy Fallon | Elton John, James Marsden, and Duran Duran | Thursday | 12:35 | NBC | |
| Craig Ferguson | Julie Chen \ Jeffery Tambor | Thursday | 12:35 | CBS | |
| Carson Daly | Jonas Akerlund, George Watsky, Grouplove / Grouplove | Thursday | 1:35 | NBC |
Credit: Travis Yanan, TitanTV, and The Futon Critic |
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